i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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