my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Everclear isn't food dammit
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
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