I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
