Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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