3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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