my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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