the condom got lost in my hair
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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