Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
