Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Randomize
