Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Randomize
