I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize