It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Randomize
