I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
