at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
