He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Randomize
