I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
