Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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