I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
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