i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
