...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
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