Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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