JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
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