I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
