I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
