I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
