Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
