she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I'm like, not good at living.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
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