why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
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