I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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