I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
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