Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
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