If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
