Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Did I show you my penis last night?
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
