He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
