After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
