I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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