You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
You're earring is so big in my mouth
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
he's gonorrhea incarnate
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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