omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Randomize
