Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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