I wish I could punch you in the face.
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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