Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
