Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
