I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
