Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
