I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
How does it feel to date your dad?
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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