I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
