This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Randomize
