so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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