I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
You need a sexual gate keeper
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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