Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you donโt have to recycle anymore ๐๐
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize