Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
