Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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