I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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