Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
