u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
