We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
