I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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