drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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