can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
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