Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
