I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
