just tell him i said nine months
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Randomize
