Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Randomize
