Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
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