maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Randomize
