the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
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