On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Randomize
