You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Randomize
