I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
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