Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Randomize