dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Randomize
