I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
