If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
