She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
