I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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