Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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