I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Randomize
