This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
