Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
