Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
