i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
