Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
